I see so many great, smart, cool, fun women who are not getting asked out. I was one of them for many years.
So what’s the deal? Why are great women often overlooked? Certainly, we hear how men need to step up and initiate more dating. That is great! But is there anything that women can do to have an impact on their dating lives? Often we are told: “Be patient, pray and wait.”, “Don’t chase boys” or “The guy needs to take the lead!” Is that it? Is spending years on the sidelines waiting patiently the spiritual exercise God intends for women who are not getting asked out?
Could it be there are myths women learn at church that lead to non-existent dating lives? Could these myths be encouraging anger and discouragement with men and God rather than encouraging spiritual growth, self-examination and personal responsibility? I believe so, and I’d like to suggest there are at least five myths that I believed which hindered my dating life for years:
Myth #1: There is nothing you can or should do to improve your life. (Just have faith and wait on God’s timing.)
Myth #2: Any guy worth having is confident and will know exactly how to pursue you. (Guys don’t need any encouragement from me.)
Myth #3: Dating is about marriage. (I should only say yes if I suspect there is potential down the road.)
Myth #4: All guys want is sex. (It’s not possible to date without it leading to sex before marriage.)
Myth #5: There are no good guys out there OR There must be something wrong with me.
In the days that follow, I will explain how I came to believe these myths, how they impacted my dating life and how God challenged and changed those beliefs. What I’d like to suggest is that there is more hope for women than to simply “Be patient, pray and wait for a guy to pursue them.” And that God desires more than you spending years on the sidelines waiting patiently.
The result has been a deeper relationship with God and a better understanding and belief in His truth, as well as finding and marrying my best friend. As a small group leader and a Licensed Professional Counselor, I have seen these ideas help not only myself but also other girls who have gone from never getting asked out on a date, to dating and for some engagement and marriage.